That is the question.
First things first. I usually thank everyone at the end of my posts. This time I want to thank you first. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for asking how I’m doing. Thank you for feeding us. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you to those that are donating to help pay for our medical expenses. Thank you for donating to send us on a vacation. Thank you for asking how you can help. This country, this world, would be a much better place if everyone was treated the way that we’ve been treated over these past six months. You are an amazing group of people. Thank you.
Many have asked if I still have cancer. I’ve also asked that question. My doctors can’t say whether or not I have cancer. I still cannot believe this is my reality.
A few days after I last blogged we met with a doctor who went through my pathology report in more detail, and using English. It turns out the cancer was not only alive in my lymph nodes, but also in the tumor in my breast. Not only was it still alive, but it had grown. Not by much, but it grew. My tumor went from 1.4cm to 1.8cm. It was supposed to die and it stayed alive and continued to grow. It looked dead in the CAT scan but it was still living. I’m having a hard time with this.
It’s really hard to go through chemo only to find out it didn’t work.
The big news this week is that I started radiation. I had my first treatment yesterday. I thought I was going to start on Wednesday, but that was a day of more measurements and x-rays. I don’t really like radiation, but I’ve only had it once.
Later this morning we’re going to meet with my oncologist to hear his suggested next steps and any clinical trials he’s found. Next Wednesday we’re headed to Chicago, to Northwestern, to meet with Dr. Gradishar. Hopefully a week from now we’ll know what our future will look like after radiation. I just want to know if I need to have chemo again or not. That’s been a mental struggle for me. When I was first diagnosed with cancer I was ready to bust through this and be done. This time around I have too much knowledge of what the fight is like and I really struggle to be fired up and ready to bust through.
It is so true that ignorance is bliss.
So, to recap I don’t know if I still have cancer or not. I don’t know if I’ll have chemo again or not. I do know that my doctors have told me that I am too young not to do anything. If I was much older they would have told me that my chemo didn’t work and to live a good life. Well, I’m 35 with two young children. I don’t have the option to not keep fighting, even though it’s the last thing I want to do.
For all the scientists out there that have asked what the pathology results were of my tumor, here’s how it came back: T1 N1, Stage 2A, Grade 3, Triple Negative, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. My margins were clean and three out of the five lymph nodes they removed were cancerous.
I don’t really understand all of this except that it was not what we wanted to hear.
Kimberly Beats Cancer 
I love you so much, Kim. My kids pray for you every day on the way to school, and you are lifted up in prayer continually by Matt and I. You can do this!
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Hi Kim,
I’ve been following your journey, and I want to share some things with you. My mother has/had this cancer and so did my Aunt. They both approached it differently with drastically different outcomes. My Mom did a “lumpectomy” (removed most of her breast), followed by intense radiation. 4 years later followed it up with a double mastectomy. The radiation has had so many negative effects on her body, and is one of her greatest regrets. On the other hand, my Aunt had a total mastectomy from the beginning, and has not had any negative side effects. I would highly suggest avoiding radiation! It’s been painful to watch my Mom deal with the aftermath.
Praying for you continuously.
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Thanks so much, Kim for your post! We are all behind you in this fight! We understand that you’re in a huge struggle and we are praying and believing for your victory over this! Hold on! Continue to rely on friends and family for help! Rest in God’s strength! Be assured that He is walking with you through this! Thanks for fighting! We love you and are praying constantly for you and your wonderful family.
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Hi Kimberly! We have never met, but, I pass you by often during the weekdays, dropping off our children at ELC. I just sat down for 2 hours and read all of your blogs . Let me just say that I think you are an amazing woman. 🙂 I would love to share with you my story someday. 11 years ago (when I was 30), I was diagnosed with Melanoma Cancer. They told me that it was so aggressive that there was no way of stopping it (I had 3 boys, and was nursing one of them at that time)….all they could try to do was prolong my life. Well, long story short, God competely healed me…and when I say God, I mean there was a true miracle that happened that even confounded the doctors. Maybe I can briefly share with you someday, the details, as I pass you by at church. I want to see a complete healing for you and will begin praying for just that.
Julie Robinson
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Hi Kimberly! We have never met, but, I pass you by often during the weekdays, dropping off our children at ELC. I just sat down for 2 hours and read all of your blogs . Let me just say that I think you are an amazing woman. 🙂 I would love to share with you my story someday. 11 years ago (when I was 30), I was diagnosed with Melanoma Cancer. They told me that it was so aggressive that there was no way of stopping it (I had 3 boys, and was nursing one of them at that time)….all they could try to do was prolong my life. Well, long story short, God competely healed me…and when I say God, I mean there was a true miracle that happened that even confounded the doctors. Maybe I can briefly share with you someday, the details, as I pass you by at church. I want to see a complete healing for you and will begin praying for just that.
Julie Robinson
PS
Sorry if this comment is repeated several times… I keep reposting because it doesn’t seem to have worked
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Hi Kim-
Prayers continue! God is ALL powerful. As you know, NOTHING is too difficult for Him. I believe, as women, fighting this horrible disease, we must share information. Although, I understand that what may work for one, may not work for another because God made us unique. And, I understand that all power and glory goes to God because HE is still the ultimate healer, but he also put doctors in place to help heal.
One of my best friends, also a Christian, had a recurrance, after 6 years, of her breast cancer. It was detected against her chest wall. Her local doctors diagnosed it as lung cancer and gave her little hope. Through a church connection, she ended up at Vanderbuilt University Medical Center, Nashville, TN, discussing her health with a clinical trial doctor there, developing a plan of attack, and following the doctor’s prescribed method. It has been 18 months, and Joy is doing amazingly well. The doctor’s name is Valerie Jansen, M.D., PhD., Vanderbuilt-Ingram Cancer Center, Instructor in Medicine, Division of Hematology/Oncology. Office 615-322-2064 I don’t know if this particular doctor/process will help, but felt the nudging to share. Also, my friend, Joy, said she would be happy to answer any questions that you might have and I can share her contact info, if you would want it. Keep your eyes on the power of Jesus! He’s got you! -Hugs-
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I pray for you and your family daily. The strength and faith you have shown is inspiring. You are truly a disciple of God. Love you!
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