Here’s the report on my scans. I had a CT scan at the beginning of April. I met with my doctor two weeks later and was told the scan indicated that my cancer was gone. At the same time, my surgeons scheduled my mastectomy and reconstruction to be completed on Tuesday, April 30. Woo hoo! Another step closer to the finish line.
My surgeon requested that I have another PET scan completed so that she could use it for surgical mapping, which I completed last Wednesday afternoon. Tim and I spent an afternoon in Indianapolis last week to go through all of my surgical tests and prep to be sure my body was ready for such a major surgery. When we left Indy I was not given a green light due to my EKG having some irregular findings.
When I left my doctor’s office, after my PET scan, I confirmed that the images and report were going to be sent to my surgeon at IU Simon and I asked how long until they would receive them. I was told they should have them by Friday.
Thursday afternoon my phone rang. Well, first my son had a crazy blowout diaper. I dealt with that joy and cleaned him up and then my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number, so I didn’t answer it. It wasn’t from Indianapolis so I didn’t think it was urgent or important. I heard a voicemail alert. Usually, embarrassingly, hours, if not a day or two will go by before I remember to check messages. But this time I checked right away. That never happens. This is what I heard…
“Kim. This is Dr. Ansari. This is my cell phone number. I’m traveling right now, so call me on my cell phone right away.”
Let me fill you in on a few things that I know. It is not good when your oncologist calls you directly. Nurses and assistants always do the calling. It is not good when your oncologist calls you while he’s traveling. And it is not good when he gives you his personal cell phone number. So I called Tim right away.
I couldn’t get a hold of Tim and Dr. Ansari called again. I knew my PET results were going down to Indy, so at first, I thought his call was about my EKG. No matter what, I knew this wasn’t good. I answered it. This is what I heard:
“Kim. You’re not having surgery next week. You still have cancer. The scan showed, blah blah, blah…”
For the next three seconds I kind of stopped listening. In my head, I was thinking, “Wait. We’ve already celebrated. I’ve had a clear mammogram, ultrasound, and CT scan. I’m done with chemo. Forever. I’m not going back to that. And I just changed the craziest diaper. Like four minutes ago. Now I’m hearing that I still have cancer. It’s not gone. Not defeated. And it’s still there after all of this hell. This is my life. Dealing with all sorts of poop. From every direction.” All of that ran through my mind as he spoke.
After those three seconds passed I came back to reality. He was still talking. When he finished I said, “Wait, what?” Classic Kim.
Dr. Ansari said, “The mass in your breast and your intermammary nodes both still have active, alive, and growing cancer.” Alive, active, and growing are not words you want to hear. I just said, “Okay. Now what?” He told me he has no more treatment for me. This is not what you want to hear when you’re 37 years old and a mother of three awesome kids, a wife to an amazing man and diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. So, my doctor is sending me back down to IU Simon to see what clinical trials, immunotherapy, or chemo they recommend for me and my situation.
He did apologize for giving this news to me over the phone and while Tim was not home. He just wanted to get the information to me right away so that I can get down to Indianapolis as soon as possible and start whatever treatment quickly. I’ve already been off of chemo for a month now, and that’s not good for my situation. He told me to have Tim call him so he can walk him through this as well. He’s a great doctor and an awesome man.
This is not at all what we were expecting or believing would be our next steps. I thought I’d have surgery on April 30 and then enjoy a relaxing summer with my family before radiation. We don’t know what our next steps will be, but we will learn more in the coming days and weeks. Please pray for us.
15 thoughts on “April 30”
My darling daughter, I have no words. God does though and I’m listening for His voice. I love you and am amazed by your strength, calmness, humor and joy. You bring glory to God in this journey and I KNOW He has this! He will protect you while science catches up! Lean boldly on His perfect love for you, Tim and the kids. Drink in all His promises because they are for you! Dad and I love you so much it hurts! Mom
Oh Kim! This is not the update I wanted to read any more than you wanted to write! I know you would trade all of this poop for all the blowout diapers in the world! You will continue to be in my prayers ❤️
Praying for you, sweet Kim. This news sucks, but I have seen the inspiration you have been to so many. Keep fighting. There are so many people who love you and are praying, praying, praying for you and your family.
My words fail but I stand in complete agreement with your amazing mom. Love you all.💕
Kim, I could write words. But I would struggle. I will pray. That I can promise you. Being a mom, I will be praying for your mom also. (And dad). Prayer is powerful. 💗 Love, Laura Rot
Kim, How you can even write all these words clearly, after what you are going thru, is a miracle in itself! We will be lifting you up and your entire family. As you already know, Jesus is the great healer and hears our prayers. Your faith is a testament to so many. You are loved!
What a heavy burden to bear. Know that you are not left alone to bear it. Joining with many, many others in praying for you, Tim, your children — for deliverance and healing from this disease. May you see God’s hand move in miraculous ways in the next days and weeks to come!
I want you to know that I love you all and will be praying. On this dreary day, as we fight our own battles that seem so small in comparison, I think that the rain outside that brings new life must also represent today the sadness that comes from God’s heart that His children must go through such pain in this life. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know we know Who holds it – Let’s continue to cling tightly to His promises and not loose hope! We are joining in praying to ask God for miracles!
Lean on the tower of the Great Physician. He is your rock and salvation. We are praying for complete healing 🙏❤️
Kim, What great strength, grace and peace we sense in your words! You are an incredible woman of God. Know that you have our prayers for you and your family. We love you!
Dan and Erin
Dear Kim, As you read this . . . in hopes you are on your way to Indianapolis!! I am truly disappointed when Beth gave us the news this AM. So frustrating for you for sure! I just want to tell you that I have a daughter your age and have to
very active boys. I am praying right along with you and your Mother. This is just heart sickening, but please keep faith and love for your family. I pray for the best for you and your family, husband, and the Doctors that you will encounter!
I know the medical field is amazing with God’s help!! I just heard a Doctor about faith and medicine. They truly believe too!
My expression of love and devotion to you . . . you could be my daughter.
Mary Medich (BSF group)
This is Lynn Viater, I met you and your darling little ones this past Christmas and what a beautiful day that was.
You are extraordinary in every sense of the word and my heart is breaking for you as you navigate the next steps.
If you and you husband need ANYTHING,
Please please let me know.
I will be praying with all my heart and soul.
With Much Love,
I know that is not what you expected at all. I also know that God is in control of all things. I will pray for you without ceasing. You are the most amazing person, your spirit is always positive. Your friends and family and friends of family are keeping you covered with prayer. We love you!!!
You are so strong. I cannot imagine what anxiety and uncertainty this must cause. God has put you and Tim on my heart long ago. He is still in control.
Thank you for sharing and keeping us updated. We love you guys.
Kim and Claudia
Dear Kim, I am so sorry to hear this! I have been praying for you. And will continue. I pray that a new, yet unheard of treatment , will be found. Hold each other close. Love and Prayers, Great Aunt Mary Goeckner