Hello, hello! I’m alive. Barely feels like it some days, but I am in fact still living. I need to figure out where I left off. These next few posts are going to be messy because, well, I’m feeling very messy.
First of all, thank you to everyone for your amazing generous support to our family.
It is so unbelievably hard to let yourself become powerless. Everything in our society tells you to push on, do it yourself, cover up your pain and keep going no matter what. This is not the truth. When you cannot do it alone, ask for help. There is a time to stop pushing through and to simply ask for support. My advice, whether you want it or not, is to live your life loving and helping others. There may be a time when you can’t get out of bed, can’t make a grocery list, can’t even think through the details of childcare and you will need help. So many of you, some family and best friends, even some strangers, have sent cards and gifts, have fed us and loved on us. You are helping us get through one of the hardest seasons.
Live your life loving on others as so many of you have done for us. This is my advice.
I have felt horrible these past few weeks, maybe even months now. I can’t tell time anymore. I’m finally off of Adriamycin, affectionately known in cancer circles as the “Red Devil.” I am so glad to be off that train. I really dislike chemotherapy. I’m just not doing well with it. I have had a few people ask me about my symptoms—why is this so hard? Because my cancer is “triple negative” that means that my cancer is very aggressive and won’t react to a chemotherapy drug that is focused on the hormones of breast cancer. I’ve been given some drugs that, in WWII terms, carpet bomb my body.
I’m on the ACT regimen: Adriamycin, Cytoxan and Taxol. The Adriamycin was a red drug (Red Devil) that would turn my tears and urine red, and it was nasty. Nasty, nasty. I finished that drug after four rounds along with the Cytoxan. Now I’m on Taxol. I started that in the beginning of August. It’s more nasty, nasty. I look like the Tin Man walking around. This stuff gets in your joints. It hurts to move your feet, ankles, knees and hips. It’s just a constant pain. I’m only allowed to be on pain meds for so many days and then I have to use over-the-counter stuff that doesn’t really work for me against this beast.
Quick update on my heart and tummy: Everything looks okay for now. They found some issues with my colonoscopy and put me on some much needed medications, so that is much better. My heart is doing well. I have some palpitations that I did not have before chemo, which is super annoying and scary at times. Long story short, my chemo and radiation will take a toll on my heart, and we won’t know how big of a toll until it’s all over. I’ll be monitored throughout my treatments to see how weak my heart’s becoming and then we’ll decided if it’s too dangerous to even attempt another pregnancy when this is all over. That is really hard to think about. At least right now. So let’s not.
Thank you for your prayers!
Kimberly Beats Cancer 
I love you kim. This post is making me sit here and cry. I praise God for your honesty, and I cry to God for your healing! I hate that you are in pain and that this is such a hard time. You guys are amazing, I don’t know how you are so graceful and funny and beautiful through this whole thing but you are!
Here for you.
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I’m your mom. I speak with you often. I see you often. I believe I know you well. All this to say, I am always surprised by the ugly truth of this wicked monster that plagues your life and even more, the raw effects of the weapons used to battle this savage brute which, because it must, attacks the good and the bad. It has already been said but so worth repeating that you, my darling girl, are pure grace under fire. You gather your strength and plow through your days. Never do I see you down for the count. You struggle. Yes, you struggle but you do not stop moving forward. You smile often. You even laugh. Your joy is so… there! Your testimony shouts out to the world. You suffer greatly but your drive for life outweighs the horror you endure and combined with your Faith, you are unstoppable. With all cancer brings to destroy, I am amazed by your ability to make it look easy. But I am not surprised because I remember, this IS you. You were created able to fight this fight and you will win. I grieve the “blows” this season has brought, The deeply personal, painful disappointments. I grieve but I am grateful because you still stand. We still have our girl! My prayers do not stop for you, your health, your future and for your broken heart. I believe all things work for our good. I believe God is working all things for our good. I trust Him and I believe. Good will come. Good has come. I love you. I could keep writing forever, I love you so much. I am so grateful for your FAITH. Dad and I gave you back to God when you were an infant. We gave each of our children back to God in dedication and we KNOW you are in HIS hand and there is no better place. We rest in our faith that God is with you through it all. May today be one of the better ones for you! Love, Mom
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My heart aches that you have to go thru this. Kim , you are my hero. Praying everyday that God will heal completely and so thankful that you are God’s child and your faith is such a testimony to others. Praying that you have many more of those ” good days.” xoxo
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Kim – I continue to pray for you. Your demonstration of faith through your words is an amazing testimony to all who read about your journey. Our God, who created the universe, can move mountains and He can certainly stop cancer and heal our bodies. Our hope is in the Lord!
Isaiah 40:29-31
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
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He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.
When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.
Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.
His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.
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